why did my last entry mention shooting deer? a short story with extreme alacrity

[mugen_edamame]

Happy 2019 ladies!

It's 2 and a bit weeks in and I already have stress pimples popping up all over. This is how you know it's gonna be a hell of a year! It's good to be pre-warned, though if this is my stress level in January, I'll be writing from beyond the grave sometime around May.

Probably.

It's been literal years since I last posted an update, and LJ I feel has gone from a dying format to a dead-dead-dead one, but logging everything down was the best sort of therapy the last time things were exploding around ear-height when I was in the UK, so what better time to start it all over again because life is a circle and 99% of the time I don't know if I'm coming or going. Let's go over the things I've neglected to detail in the past almost-two-years:

1. My dumb ass completed my undergrad, which was so strenuous and long and difficult a journey that I think I could get awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing World Peace to the world and I wouldn't feel joy and relief so palpable it literally leaves me light-headed (though I am also spectacularly anaemic, so!). Somehow I graduated top of my course but I didn't realise that I had, so at the graduation ceremony they said everyone give a hand to Yu who couldn't make be here with us today. It was nice getting a bunch of messages from friends going ??? Sis we literally saw you???? What is going on???? And me responding with ???? Same, to be honest. My outfit was lip-smackingly adorable and I'll put a picture once I find a picture, and wandering around in it to go get lunch with my family had kindly ladies randomly congratulating me because everyone knows if you're in a hakama you've just gone and graduated something, so well done!

2. I did a short internship with a branch of ASEAN, which is theoretically like the UN of Southeast Asia but we can't even get 1. Myanmar to give us visa-free travel 2.Stop genociding Rohingya muslims, so it's not the most powerful of inter-governmental organisations. It was mostly office busy-work and while it made me get better at driving because I was commuting into the city every day, the work was so tedious and fundamentally meaningless that a part of me died during that internship and we will never get her back.

3. I started my Master's.....in the UK. Because I'm a glutton for punishment!! And a little because my whole Japan experience felt like I was operating from Beyond The Veil. My body was in lecture theaters but my soul was playing elevator music in the Astral Plane, and I thought this would be a good idea. Master's are also only a year long here, so it seemed like a good way to play catch-up, you know??? The age range is pretty nice, but there are some literal children here who are like 21??? Or something equally absurd in age, and everyone's graduated from Oxford and they're good-looking and friendly and work out a lot, and human relations is often a lot more overwhelming than my studies.

Not to say that my studies aren't overwhelming, but trying to go over forest canopy cover has never agitated me enough to occasionally turn off all my lights and lie down on the carpet, trying to phase out of existence because there are people in the communal kitchen and I am Not Up For It.

4. This course comes complete with lotsa fieldwork, which is just really good fun, but I'm also older and physically in questionable shape, so I'm not looking forward to endurance treks in shite terrain against younger, fitter, cuter coursemates. That said, I'm going to learn so many skills!!! Even in things I'm not particularly interested in!! But interest in a fickle miss, so that's not too much of an issue. February, March, and April I will be away to Do Things in Exotic Locales, and mostly I just hope I don't get Malaria and I Get Good at a bunch of things.

5. I'm looking for funded Ph.D. positions, because my dad is retiring soon and if I'm not gonna find employment, I'm gonna need to find someone willing to pay me to keep learning. On rough days I wonder if I'm at all cut out for academia, but then I look back to my internship where my duties included, memorably, a man asking me how I got his phone number when his phone number is on the website of his company, and figuring out why no one wanted to charge me for parking, and suddenly a Ph.D. doesn't look too bad. Do I think I'm gonna be hireable at the end of this?

Who the hell knows. What is hireable even??? Most days I don't even find myself bearable, you feel me???

Ph.Ds usually accept applications till Jan or Feb, but I am way too untrained and unexperienced to want to throw myself into a 3 to 5 year commitment, so when I graduate (hopefully lmao) in September I hopefully can then get a short-term job while I apply for Ph.Ds to start in 2020.

What's gonna be your research topic, you're maybe asking.

I don't know myself, at this point. I'm a Jacqui of many trades, and while I've gotten to try out lots of things over the years, in terms of actual specialisation it's low-key looking like it might be more computer-based work than field work, which is a Twist but only because my fool ass didn't see the pattern in the classes I've been taking the past uhhhh many years.

In summary, lots happened and 2018 was possibly the longest year of my life. I think I'm in a good place now, but this morning I woke up with an ear ache so unpleasant it made eating cereal unpleasant, and programming class was so out of control that the lecturer had to tap out halfway through, so basically what is reality but also what are places.

My teeth are on edge but I think I'm gonna be okay (probably). Hope all you guys are doing well, and hope even more you'll do even better (if there's anyone out there who's still on LJ lmao) as the months come on in this year of our Lord 2k19.

Comments

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Yup LJ ever so ever dead. =[ Did you post to tumblr too?

I don't remember you telling me this: "Somehow I graduated top of my course" CONGRATS!

Masters (classes and everything else) going better than you last wrote (e-mail), or even more stress? :/
Hope you're not writing beyond the grave come May!

PhD aiming to do as well? Wow...

Supposed to be working... TTYL

[mugen-edamame.livejournal.com]

these kinda posts feel way too private to post to tumblr orz god i miss the lj community

>////< it was such a shock to be called and i really truly deeply feel like i don't deserve it so i don't think about the whole top-of-the-course thing, but thanks!

we leave for our field trip in a few days, and i've been sick for a week, so i'm just a ball of anxiety at this point. i'm behind on my e-mails (happy new year!! a whole month late!! i hope you've been well!!) and apparently lj is so out of touch your comment went straight to junk mail (i only found it because i was trawling through looking for bank stuff /)A(\ )

phd applications start almost a full year before the programme starts, so it's a lot like starting master's but already hurtling towards the thing that comes after. i hate it and it's terrifying trying to figure it out

it's 2 am and i should be sleeping.....urgrhguhhghru....... hope 2k19's been treating u better babe <3

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Profile: Inbox should show my comment (where your's is, plus the e-mail that I got). Also top of the page in upper left the Messages (#) will go up when you get comments.

But that IS great accomplishment, to be top of your course! Pat yourself on the back. :)
Know what you mena though, wonder why getting praise, don't think deserve it. Must be a Scorpio flaw.

Sorry you haven't been feeling sick :( Hope you'll be well enough for that field trip!

Lots of ahead of time prep for PhD programs needed... ugh. Hope whatever/where ever you decide on works out! Guess quite the wait before get the news after applying.

My mom and I both have had some flu/cold thing past few weeks... not bad enough have to stay in bed. Finally feeling decent. My mom's birthday is this Friday (Feb 1).

My rheumatologist wanted an ultrasound done on my liver because 22 years of RA med (although regular blood tests shows liver is fine)... well they don't just do the liver, all internal organs get done too. Liver is fine, but have some kidney stones (small so nothing to worry about yet), but have a 21mm gallstone (BIG my family doctor said, so has been there for YEARS)... yet another doctor goes "not sure WHY form" health issues. Family doctor called me in because of it, asking about pain in certain area -- which I"ve never had... but I get to do another ultrasound again in 6 months.

Work sucks...
Horomone imbalance sucks (moodiness is nuts and I hate it)...

So no, 2019 not really going better than 2018.

FAI-TO!!!!!

the wifi connection is so shitty i cannot even log in

[(Anonymous)]

Hey babe! I have to come on livejournal to see if there're comments now, I swear I used to get a notification...

I'm not very good at patting myself on the back, but if you want to give me one I will accept it most gladly! Scorpios are gloomy bastards huh....

Field trip's actually started, we arrived in Borneo a few hours ago. I'm so tired and dehydrated and jet-lagged it's kinda hysterical, and this is the last bit of civilisation we're gonna have until the end of Feb. It's gonna take me a while to get back to you, and I hope you'll think of me fondly as I live in a hut with limited electricity but endless leeches <3 PhD programmes are an issue for when I get back, but I am eyeing a couple of Canadian places that are offering stipends....

Hope you and your mum and feeling better, and though it's late wish her a happy birthday from me!

At least your liver is fine, and your kidneys are mostly fine. The gallstone sounds really rough.... Will you need surgery for it?

I wish I could beat up your superior at work for you, to be honest :( Hope you're feeling better anyways.

2019 has started off with a weird kinda funk, but maybe February is gonna bring it back round to something good for us <3 Gotta have faith, babe, and I'll see you on the other side (aka in March and hopefully without Malaria)

LOTSA LOVE!!

Re: the wifi connection is so shitty i cannot even log in

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Even if you don't get a notification, the new message should show in your Inbox...
E-mail would be better than LJ...

Of course top of your course worth clap on your back and some applause and hugs and another congrats.
Sounds like you've got some idea which PhD programs you want to aim for.

Borneo?! oO And there until end of February too? Wow... you said field trip, but not where or how long. assumed soemwhere in UK or Europe... Stunning location to be at, but living conditions don't sound so good. =( Stay safe!!!

Gallstone if causes PAIN then see if happens again then would need surgery. Never had any pain (for where doctor said it would be).

We might get a little snow tomorrow which would be first for Fall/Winter in my area (most of rest of Canada been down to -40C or more for past couple weeks), and some -C temps for this coming week. We were feeling better (cold/flu)...

Arrive back in March with good results and no injuries or malaria please. Take care!!