teramat bagu (and in the end no one wins)
Dec. 19th, 2014 03:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mugen_edamameGod I really should get around to updating more than twice a year, because things happen and I earnestly want to record them but I get home after a long day from schook and all that's left is fatigue and a curious reluctance to relive experiences. How friggin grim does that sound, huh.
I am well on my way to finishing my 2nd semester, and come spring I'll be the fantastic bitch on campus who's old old old in possession of dryskin complete with break-outs who will also finally have a dubious increase in authority by virtue of being a 2nd year.For obvious reasons, I wish university only took 3 years in Japan instead of the requisite 4, but then again I got no confidence that I'll take the working world by storm (and that the working world will take to me at all).
It's winter, and possibly the best thing I can say about this winter compared to British winters is the sun. We get a lot of sun. Yeah, we also get frost on the ground and winds so vicious that even in class with windows tightly shut and heating blaring you can hear the howls. Waking up for early morning classes are as much a pain as ever, but now there's the tremendous displeasure of rolling out of class at 5 to pitch darkness and absolute frigid coldness, the fog that comes out with breathing the only company.
Yeah, it's not the most fun, but in 3 layers and my scarf I took a long, marvelous nap lakeside on campus, a good hour spent getting my face and hands roasted by the sun, so I think as far as graceless dealing with bad weather goes, I have definitely, DEFINITELY done way worse.
This semester's been a busy one. I got a part time job, and then I got two, and then I got two part-time jobs (one on-campus, one off, both to do with teaching English) and a gig being questionable help assisting in English Conversation sessions the English Department keeps holding despite what could only be described as a lukewarm reception at best. The lady teacher in charge of the Department is super dashing and has visions of a more open and bilingual Japan (at least on campus) glinting unfailingly in her eyes, and she's Intense and Direct and it's very different to the bewildered tentative mating dance that a lot of my interactions in Japan tend to be. It's a good difference.
The student actually in charge of the session, as employed by the department under the title of Student Assistant, is less on the good-ness. He's a guy in his final year, and has thus far shown great ability at being hideously offensive to pretty much all women. This week we were joined by 2 boys who've never come before (we don't really have regulars, how sad is that???) and between the 3 guys I pretty much sat through an hour of gross objectification of women, as they insulted the entire female populations of universities for being hideous dressers, mimed breast size by groping the air, and whinged to themselves for not having the luck to be friends with hot girls and only knowing plain or ugly ones.
Man, I thought I was going to cry. It was so unpleasant, and once my time was up I left pretty quick, but I really wish I'd told them off more harshly instead of the gently-gently chiding approach. What I wanted to do, was smack 'em over the head and say slime has demonstrated more humanity eating cheese in my fridge than you 3 have in this past hour, but what I ended up doing was bidding a hasty retreat into great despair. Man, I'm gonna die alone, but me and cheese sure is better than me and any of those guys.
I also started Spanish for the first time this semester. Learning your 4th language in your 3rd language is a confusing pasttime, if you've ever wondered. Especially when Spanish overlaps a great deal more with English than Japanese, and figuring out what words mean because they sound the same and then having to ponder for a while more for the Japanese term pretty much guarantees I am a ball of tension for all 4 classes weekly. We have 2 native Spanish teachers, who are precious and warm, and 2 Japanese teachers who stress me the hell out because they hella enjoy questioning me on Japanese grammar structures. I'm not stupid, god knows I've tried quite hard for far too log to be satisfied with anything less, but boy do I feel like a sack of straight up idiocy when I'm stumbling over my languages and get comments about improving my Japanese.
Sensei, you're not wrong, and I'm sure you don't mean to sound snide, but just maybe let's not keep picking the foreigner up on her Japanese during Spanish lessons? Maybe???? No?????
And mostly for Experience, I took up Diversity and Queer Studies in Japan, a seminar where it's pretty much 8 people cramped into a small room as our very smart but also very confusing American teacher tries to teach us the fundamentals of good research but also the fundamentals of being the sorta not super great animal, Human. He's like crazy smart, but prone to tangents, and uses the sort of English that I suspect is a little too intense for the majority Japanese natives in class to understand. I get this really giddy feeling that I'm learning a lot during his classes, though. I think I'm kindof straddling a line between Humanities and Sciences right now, and I'm equally! Confused! By both! But I always like learning ways to think better. Also he treats us to food all the time, and chipped in to buy snacks and drinks when a couple of friends decided to throw me a birthday party ;-;
I have friends who would throw a party for me and buy me presents ;-; This is much better than I expected, honestly.
Alongside that, I'm also taking what roughly translates to multicultural communications, which is a positive Hive of information regarding the average Japanese person's view of foreigners. Gems have included, foreigners should be charged higher rent while renting houses because they use Foreign Spices that stink up kitchens, and a mother who neglects her child in order to go gamble doesn't signify a problem with the mother, but with the entire culture of child-rearing of the country of the mother's origin. I tend to get very angry during multi-comm classes, because I have been asked with wonder whether or not Malaysia has flushing toilets rather than holes in the ground, but you sure do learn a lot.
Not sure if I'm getting an academic education, but lord wept I sure an learning.
As always happens near the end of things (years, schooling or otherwise), I am quite tired, and swamped with work and the far too close specter of exams and reports. My faith in my Japanese is at an all-time low, which is freaking awful, because yeah while it's far from perfect it's seen me through a hell of a lot, and I wish I knew how to appreciate it better instead of often feeling quite a lot of shame.
The kids who are in the English program, a batch of 'em came in in September, and one's a Malaysian girl who's in the class I'm employed as Student Assistant for. She's younger and confident, has excellent English and what I would call a bit of an attitude (god I'm 23 I think I get to be a little bit despairing of people who still have 1s leading off their age). I look at her and I despair at myself, some weeks.
Man I really hope you guys weren't hoping for a pick-me-up. It's been a rough week, though winter break starts at the end of next week and runs for a week and a half, so hope to see you guys again in time to wish you a Happy New Year and actually mean it. Things aren't even near so bad as they might seem, anyways!!! Work's under control to some extent or other, even if the results won't be as good as they were last semester (probably). And like, a lot of despairing happens, but mostly after I just get me a carton of milk coffee, do some laundry, and smack my cheeks and think hey hey hey you're fundamentally a pretty cool person.
So that's all for now, folks, typing this from a school computer so no pictures, I'm afraid, but I sure hope you guys are doing better than me! And if you're not, rest assured that given the chance I totally would get you milk coffee, help you with laundry, and remind you that you're fundamentally a pretty cool person. LATER SK8ERS.
I am well on my way to finishing my 2nd semester, and come spring I'll be the fantastic bitch on campus who's old old old in possession of dryskin complete with break-outs who will also finally have a dubious increase in authority by virtue of being a 2nd year.For obvious reasons, I wish university only took 3 years in Japan instead of the requisite 4, but then again I got no confidence that I'll take the working world by storm (and that the working world will take to me at all).
It's winter, and possibly the best thing I can say about this winter compared to British winters is the sun. We get a lot of sun. Yeah, we also get frost on the ground and winds so vicious that even in class with windows tightly shut and heating blaring you can hear the howls. Waking up for early morning classes are as much a pain as ever, but now there's the tremendous displeasure of rolling out of class at 5 to pitch darkness and absolute frigid coldness, the fog that comes out with breathing the only company.
Yeah, it's not the most fun, but in 3 layers and my scarf I took a long, marvelous nap lakeside on campus, a good hour spent getting my face and hands roasted by the sun, so I think as far as graceless dealing with bad weather goes, I have definitely, DEFINITELY done way worse.
This semester's been a busy one. I got a part time job, and then I got two, and then I got two part-time jobs (one on-campus, one off, both to do with teaching English) and a gig being questionable help assisting in English Conversation sessions the English Department keeps holding despite what could only be described as a lukewarm reception at best. The lady teacher in charge of the Department is super dashing and has visions of a more open and bilingual Japan (at least on campus) glinting unfailingly in her eyes, and she's Intense and Direct and it's very different to the bewildered tentative mating dance that a lot of my interactions in Japan tend to be. It's a good difference.
The student actually in charge of the session, as employed by the department under the title of Student Assistant, is less on the good-ness. He's a guy in his final year, and has thus far shown great ability at being hideously offensive to pretty much all women. This week we were joined by 2 boys who've never come before (we don't really have regulars, how sad is that???) and between the 3 guys I pretty much sat through an hour of gross objectification of women, as they insulted the entire female populations of universities for being hideous dressers, mimed breast size by groping the air, and whinged to themselves for not having the luck to be friends with hot girls and only knowing plain or ugly ones.
Man, I thought I was going to cry. It was so unpleasant, and once my time was up I left pretty quick, but I really wish I'd told them off more harshly instead of the gently-gently chiding approach. What I wanted to do, was smack 'em over the head and say slime has demonstrated more humanity eating cheese in my fridge than you 3 have in this past hour, but what I ended up doing was bidding a hasty retreat into great despair. Man, I'm gonna die alone, but me and cheese sure is better than me and any of those guys.
I also started Spanish for the first time this semester. Learning your 4th language in your 3rd language is a confusing pasttime, if you've ever wondered. Especially when Spanish overlaps a great deal more with English than Japanese, and figuring out what words mean because they sound the same and then having to ponder for a while more for the Japanese term pretty much guarantees I am a ball of tension for all 4 classes weekly. We have 2 native Spanish teachers, who are precious and warm, and 2 Japanese teachers who stress me the hell out because they hella enjoy questioning me on Japanese grammar structures. I'm not stupid, god knows I've tried quite hard for far too log to be satisfied with anything less, but boy do I feel like a sack of straight up idiocy when I'm stumbling over my languages and get comments about improving my Japanese.
Sensei, you're not wrong, and I'm sure you don't mean to sound snide, but just maybe let's not keep picking the foreigner up on her Japanese during Spanish lessons? Maybe???? No?????
And mostly for Experience, I took up Diversity and Queer Studies in Japan, a seminar where it's pretty much 8 people cramped into a small room as our very smart but also very confusing American teacher tries to teach us the fundamentals of good research but also the fundamentals of being the sorta not super great animal, Human. He's like crazy smart, but prone to tangents, and uses the sort of English that I suspect is a little too intense for the majority Japanese natives in class to understand. I get this really giddy feeling that I'm learning a lot during his classes, though. I think I'm kindof straddling a line between Humanities and Sciences right now, and I'm equally! Confused! By both! But I always like learning ways to think better. Also he treats us to food all the time, and chipped in to buy snacks and drinks when a couple of friends decided to throw me a birthday party ;-;
I have friends who would throw a party for me and buy me presents ;-; This is much better than I expected, honestly.
Alongside that, I'm also taking what roughly translates to multicultural communications, which is a positive Hive of information regarding the average Japanese person's view of foreigners. Gems have included, foreigners should be charged higher rent while renting houses because they use Foreign Spices that stink up kitchens, and a mother who neglects her child in order to go gamble doesn't signify a problem with the mother, but with the entire culture of child-rearing of the country of the mother's origin. I tend to get very angry during multi-comm classes, because I have been asked with wonder whether or not Malaysia has flushing toilets rather than holes in the ground, but you sure do learn a lot.
Not sure if I'm getting an academic education, but lord wept I sure an learning.
As always happens near the end of things (years, schooling or otherwise), I am quite tired, and swamped with work and the far too close specter of exams and reports. My faith in my Japanese is at an all-time low, which is freaking awful, because yeah while it's far from perfect it's seen me through a hell of a lot, and I wish I knew how to appreciate it better instead of often feeling quite a lot of shame.
The kids who are in the English program, a batch of 'em came in in September, and one's a Malaysian girl who's in the class I'm employed as Student Assistant for. She's younger and confident, has excellent English and what I would call a bit of an attitude (god I'm 23 I think I get to be a little bit despairing of people who still have 1s leading off their age). I look at her and I despair at myself, some weeks.
Man I really hope you guys weren't hoping for a pick-me-up. It's been a rough week, though winter break starts at the end of next week and runs for a week and a half, so hope to see you guys again in time to wish you a Happy New Year and actually mean it. Things aren't even near so bad as they might seem, anyways!!! Work's under control to some extent or other, even if the results won't be as good as they were last semester (probably). And like, a lot of despairing happens, but mostly after I just get me a carton of milk coffee, do some laundry, and smack my cheeks and think hey hey hey you're fundamentally a pretty cool person.
So that's all for now, folks, typing this from a school computer so no pictures, I'm afraid, but I sure hope you guys are doing better than me! And if you're not, rest assured that given the chance I totally would get you milk coffee, help you with laundry, and remind you that you're fundamentally a pretty cool person. LATER SK8ERS.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-20 05:16 am (UTC)FEEL POSITIVE FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!
And fuck that teacher calling you out. Speak Malaysian and ask him/her to answer back. Should shut the person up.
Got kicked in the teeth with work yesterday and it will continue as such all through January (and if lucky all the way to September but won't learn that fate until Jan 8).
Doesn't remotely feel like it's close to Christmas.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-22 11:25 pm (UTC)